Abandonment - My Hidden Fear By Janine Mallory

It all began with the statement, “You know you're adopted, right?" I was about 5 years old, it was 1980-something, and the only time I had ever heard the term "adopted" was in one of my favorite tv-shows at that time called Punky Brewster. You remember Punky--the orphan girl who desperately wanted to be adopted by Henry Warnimont. In Punky's story, she was abandoned by her mother at a grocery store, and while squatting in a vacant apartment building, she was discovered by the landlord who took her in, and later decided to adopt her. And while my adoption story was nothing like Punky Brewster's, I grew up believing that being adopted also meant that at some point you were abandoned. And to be abandoned surely meant that you must have done something to deserve it. 

| carried this belief about my identity throughout most of my life. And this created space for fear to take residence in my soul. I feared that if I made a big enough mistake, the people that I loved would choose to walk away and wouldn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. And this stunted my ability to live. I wasn't free to explore my own likes and dislikes, my interests and passions, my talents and gifts. I was consumed with ensuring that everything! chose to do would be pleasing to the people around me--family and friends alike. I needed to please them so that they wouldn't find a reason to abandon me. Ugh! To hear myself say this hurts my heart because the 5-year old Janine believed this. And the 38-year old Janine believed it too. And it wasn't until very recently that I acknowledged how crippling the fear of abandonment had been throughout my entire life. And then, God... 

And so I share this for all those people-pleasers who may have a hidden fear of abandonment taking residence in their souls. Stand up and declare once and for all that you will no longer allow this fear to choke the life out of your relationships. Put a spiritual eviction notice on the window to your soul and let that fear know that it is no longer welcome to squat in God's beloved temple. 

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. ~Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV 

Are there any fears that you want to put on notice today? Share them with me in the comments. 

Be encouraged, Beloved...